Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
