Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
