Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
