carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
