just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize