They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
