porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
