her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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