Your tits are I can't wait for
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
