Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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