dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
