So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
