In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
