She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is wine microwaveable?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
