He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
