'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
