This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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