2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
