Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
