You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drunk is not a location!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
