I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
