everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
