This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
