So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Someone came in the potted fern
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
