i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
