ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
