worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
