Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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