So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
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i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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