im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
