He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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