: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
