Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
