Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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