how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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