$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
