Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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