I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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