girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
