Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
