just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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