Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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