Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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