He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is Oprah even human
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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