My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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