youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
