i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Panties = found
Randomize