i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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