please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
