You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
how drunk are you?
Several
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
