Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
