you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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