I'm going to jail i love you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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