Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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