My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
