yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
