I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
