His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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