It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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