When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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