i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize