he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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