Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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