One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
