He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
