i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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