Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
