new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize