Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
