oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
