on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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