she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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